日光下

The last scene of that dream terrified me. When I witnessed ‘my hand’ dismantling slowly, it was not only my physical form falling apart, but ‘me’ as an entity absorbed by a huge field of energy. I was hopeless and had no ground to escape. The relief of survival when I woke up confused me, what was real and what wasn’t.

In Hindu Mythology, our universe is no more than a dream of Brahma. Once Brahma wakes up, every existence turns to wind. I questioned, how can I falsify that my life is not an absurd dream, or my dream is not a parallel version of my life? I treat my dreams as facts in the past and describe them to my audiences through variant forms and media. If, according to the paradigm of science, our experiences in life are only impulses running around our cortices, does it mean that our lives are dreams with our eyes open?

The dream also rang my bell about the short story “The Circular Ruins” by Jorge Luis Borges, which is about a wizard and a phantom created by him. The wizard worried that the phantom would find out his own nature and commit suicide. However, the wizard shockingly discovered that he himself was a phantom created by someone else as well. At the end, he jumped into the light to reclaim his dignity by death. Among the absurdity and emptiness of life, death/ vanishing may be the only way for a man-being to achieve dignity and meaning of life. 

After I woke up and browsed the news, there were wars, pandemics, mass-shooting around our world. Lives seemed so cheap when they were only numbers written in the subtitles of the news report. It made a distinct contrast with my unbearable fear of death in my dream. Was my dream more realistic, or my reality more unrealistic?

动态海报是一个关于外星生物故事的梦。

“在他成为我丈夫之前，我就知道他的灵魂是由光组成的假人 一旦他暴露在阳光下，就会被更多的光吸走，灰飞烟灭。 我们一直相安无事，直到我发现了他的秘密—他接触我的目的是为了抓住我。于是，我计划诱使他走到阳光里，只要他消失，我还是可以作为一个人类在这颗星球生存。他看透了我的计划，并抓住我一起跳进阴影外的日光中，我惊讶的发现，他没有任何变化，而我，正在慢慢消失…”

博尔赫斯的短篇小说《环形废墟》讲述了一个魔法师与他创造的少年的故事，魔法师担心少年知道自己是幻影的真相，打算毁灭自己，却赫然发现自己也只是一个幻影。故事表达了对直线性时间观的质疑，并基于“时间是虚无的”这一观点而思索人生的荒诞性和虚无感，“死亡/消散”是人在荒诞和虚无中获取意义和实现人生尊严的途径。战争，瘟疫，生命消散的太容易，近年来的社会问题也太过魔幻且荒诞，我们不可忘却曾经，却可以思考未来。梦，用潜意识让人得以从另一个角度思考存在与意志。

梦里最后一幕尤其让我惊恐，当我从梦里的双眼“看到自己”的手从指间一丝丝的消失，不止是肉体消散，而是被更强大的能量吸收，无可奈何也无法挣脱，惊醒后竟产生了劫后余生的庆幸，还一时间无法分辩真实和虚幻。印度传说，宇宙不过是创造之神梵天的一场梦，只要梵天梦醒，一切就会消失。如何证明真实的生活不是荒诞的梦，而虚幻的梦境不是另一个时空存在的人生呢？带着这个疑问，我将自己的梦境当做发生过的故事，用假电影海报的方式“描述”给观众。人类以讲故事的方式去理解无常且混乱的宇宙，如果梦意味着大脑边缘系统随机性的神经放电，那么生活是不是就像一场醒着的梦？